I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
