You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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