Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
