Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
