I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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