Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
