Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
