Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
