I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
