He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
