Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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