Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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