all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
