Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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