I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
