i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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