He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
