I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
