so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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