clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
