he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
