omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
