why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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