I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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