Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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