you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the day after is always just damage control
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
