btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
