I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
