Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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