This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
