We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
