just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
