Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
