Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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