things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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