but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
