I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
