Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
