I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
