I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
