ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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