we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
