your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
