You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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