please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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