come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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