He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
