There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
