is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
