WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
