and you said cock pushups were impossible
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
