took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
