You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
